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Your Bingo Jokes

We'll publish a selection of your bingo-themed jokes right here on the bingo jokes page. If we publish one of your jokes, we’ll credit your account with FB£50. To submit your bingo funnies click here.

Thank you to all our members who have sent in jokes. At times we have been laughing so much that we haven’t been able to play bingo (roflmao). But please remember we are a family site so can’t publish some of the ones you’ve sent in ;-) And we are looking for Bingo-themed jokes!

Here are just a selection of the bingo funnies we have received...

There is a computer called Eric,
Who makes players slightly hysteric,
By dropping his balls,
And waiting for calls,
Even though he's completely synthetic

Submitted by: scretin

A lady from Sydney loved Bingo,
So much so that she taught her Dingo,
She took him along to the hall,
Where they both had a ball,
Till he Full-Housed but could not speak the Lingo!

Submitted by: lyns85

Evie and Ann go to their local bingo club. It is Ann's first time at playing bingo.
Ann turns to Evie and says "I need a 59 and a 99".
Evie replies "99? The numbers only go up to 90!"
"I know, but the ice cream man comes at 7.30 and I want my flake!" says Ann.

Submitted by: eviejay

Q. How many bingo callers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, on his own, just the one!

Submitted by: WayneH

The Bingo Prayer

As I lay me down to slumber,
All I need is one more number,
When to the big game I go,
I pray the Lord I yell BINGO.

Submitted by: CJ99

FreeBingo UK is a great place to play,
The rooms are great as they say,
We're spoiled for choice every day,
Plus theres lots of freebies to give away,
All the players have so much fun,
so let's keep FreeBingo your number one!

Submitted by: william06

We dont use a pen - we use a mouse,
But we just love it when we click house,
Make loads of friends here and there,
We dont even have to move off the chair,
So come on in and have a ball,
At our free UK bingo hall

Submitted by: xxginger123xx

There once was a player from Cloncurry,
Who was always in a great hurry,
She "dabs" a number too soon,
Then feels a buffoon,
As she tells the caller "oops!" I'm sorry!

Submitted by: flirtygirty

This bloke was feeling off for a long time and finally decides to go to the doctors. The doctor did tests and said, "I'm afraid it's bad news mate, you've got yellow 24, a rare disease, and you will be dead within 24 hours."

The man goes home and tells his wife and starts pacing up and down... up and down.. Finally the wife has had enough and says, "right you get your coat I'm taking you to bingo to get your mind off this."

At the bingo the man wins every game going. Even the national. The caller gets him up on stage to present his national cheque and says, "What do you think ladies and gentlemen, is this the luckiest guy in the UK or what?"

The guy says, "Lucky!?! Listen mate I've got yellow 24."

To which the caller replies, "Would you believe it folks? He's only gone and won the raffle as well!"

Submitted by: luckee64

It was a Ladies Only Night in the All Blonde Bingo Hall. The night had been pretty boring, not one single person had a BINGO all night. The last game was up for grabs, with a huge bingo prize of $3500.00 in the pot. The game drags on and on, and nearly every blonde in the house had to be on for the big blackout. Finally, G-47 was called, but still no shouts of "Bingo!" were heard. The frustrated caller finally gets up and throws the Bingo Machine off the stage. All the girls were shocked and the caller says: "I've just called every darn one of these 75 balls out of this machine and nobody has a Bingo? Just what number are you ladies waiting for?" All together, 412 blonde ladies shouted: "FREE SPACE!"

Submitted by: bat-bucket

I woke up one morning seeing bingo balls in front of my eyes, so I went to the doctor and told him. He looked into my eyes and said, ‘Have you seen an optition?’
I said, ‘No, just bingo balls’

Submitted by: snowcloud

Q: What do vampires play Bingo with?
A: Stake money!

Submitted by: villain

Q: What is black and white and screams "YES! YES! YES!"
A: A nun winning at bingo.

This guy had a very attractive wife, who was always wanting clothes, jewellery, etc., but he was not too well off. One day his wife came home with a diamond necklace. The guy asked, "Where did you get that?" His wife replied, "I won it at bingo."

The next night she came home with a mink coat. The guy asked, "Where did you get that?" His wife replied, "I won it at bingo."

The next night she came home with a Mercedes Benz. The guy asked, "Where did you get that?" His wife replied, "Look!! Don't keep asking where I get my things!! Go upstairs and run my bath for me!!"

His wife came upstairs to find a small amount of water in the bath. The wife asked, "How come you put so little water in the bath?"

He replied, "I didn't want to wet your bingo card!"

Sharon and Tracey were playing Bingo.

Sharon kept looking over Tracey 's shoulder saying, “You've got that number mark it off…..you've got that number mark it off.”

After putting up with this for some time Tracey got annoyed and said, "why don't you do your own card?"

Sharon replied - "I can't it's full!"

Mary was on the telephone to her friend Joan, complaining about her lazy, good-for-nothing husband. After 20 minutes of this Joan said, ”My husband said I had to choose between him and bingo……. I'm gonna miss him …..!!”

My first is in able but not in willing
My second is in win but not in lose
My third is in song but not in music
My fourth is in coming and also in going
My fifth is in tomorrow but not yesterday
What am I?

My local Mecca decided on holding Fancy Dress Bingo Night. I went along to see what everyone was dressed up as. There were the usual princesses, witches, schoolgirls etc but then I saw a naked man in the corner carrying a naked woman on his back. Well, I was curious so I went over and said to the naked man (trying not to stare you know where) “What have you come as?” The naked man said, “I’ve come as a tortoise.” “A tortoise?” I said. He said, “Yes my name is David and this is Michelle”.

Q: How do you get a sweet, little old lady to say the F-word?
A: Get another little old lady to shout "BINGO!!!

Q) What do Rats say when they play bingo?
A) Eyes down for a full mouse!!

Gertie, Dorothy, Ethel and George are sitting at a table at the local Gala club when for the first time in 30 years George gets a full house. In the excitement of jumping up and down screaming ‘BINGO!!’, George’s trousers accidentally fall down, exposing him fully to the startled ladies! Dorothy and Ethel had a stroke, but Gertie couldn’t reach!

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A Bingo machine

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF BINGO
Thou shalt not sit in thy neighbours lucky seat.
Thou shalt not stare at thy neighbours card.
Thou shalt not take the Callers name in vain.
Thou shalt not call false "Bingo".
Thou shalt not wish bad luck on thy neighbour.
Thou shalt not threaten to kill the "Caller".
Thou shalt not steal thy husband's money for Bingo (oh, alright you can do this one).
Thou shalt not brag about how much thou hast won.
Thou shalt not whine about how much thou hast lost.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s winnings.

We'll publish a selection of your jokes right here on the jokes page. If we publish one of your jokes, we’ll credit your account with FB£50. To submit your bingo funnies click here.

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